"What's a Star if His Most Important Fan is Missing?" - An Ode to Aubrey Drake Graham

Those who know me know that I have an EXTRAORDINARY love for Drake. He is ERRYTHANG. Yes, errythang.

I get all verklempt and whatnot when I think about his greatness. My thug status flies straight out the window when discussing my beloved Aubrey’s meteoric rise to stardom. There was many an intoxicated night back in college when I literally shed tears when people said anything negative about my baby’s talent. It got kinda awkward after a while though, so I had to stop with the crying.

Anywho, as I was saying…

He is the sun, the moon, and the stars. He is the wind beneath my wings, the light of my life, the smooth peanut butter to my Smucker’s strawberry jelly.

You might be wondering why I love him so.

Oh, you weren’t? Well, I’ll tell you anyway. Have a seat.

From the very first time I laid my eyes on Aubrey Drake Graham in 2001, I knew he was the one for me. He captivated my young heart as Jimmy on Degrassi like no other character did. I laughed with him, I cried with him, I shared his pain as he became an invalid in season 4. I was a true ride or die.

So naturally, the day that I discovered his first mixtape back in 2007 was the day that I officially gave my heart to him.

His music speaks to me. I love him because he doesn’t pretend to be anything he isn’t. He doesn’t rap about slinging rocks on the corner or shooting n-words in a drive-by because that simply isn’t his life. And as a product of the private school, suburban DC circuit, I feels that. I could never really relate to most southern rappers because I don’t know a damn thing about a trap house or pouring out liquor for the fallen homies. But with Drake, there’s something in this work for everyone, from the cold-blooded killer to the Wall Street accountant. So come get some, why don’t you?

On second thought, don’t. I’m a jealous lover.

Not to mention the fact I’ve always had a thing for tragic mulattos. Nothing warms my thugged out soul more than a yellow man with feelings. It’s a beautiful thing. Le sigh.

I’ve already told the good Lord above that I do not want to leave this earth until I get a chance to meet Drake. Because I know that once we do, he’ll instantly fall in love with me and we’ll live happily ever after. No Cinderella.

And finally, as a testament to his EXTRAORDINARY greatness, I’d like to end this post with a few words from the wise philosopher Aubrey Graham for your viewing pleasure:

You wanna support me now that I’m outta the streets,

On my way like I can’t be beat.

Where were you when I was rollin’ in a wheel chair?

It’s Young Money haters, so I really truly don’t care.

My real fans understand through think and thin,

Not just gonna throw me in the trash can. 

Well said sir, well said.

-The Extraordinaire