Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Holding Him Down: The Trials and Tribulations of a Ride or Die

I’ve always thought it would be nice to be a Ride or Die chick.

But not in the “hold my man down while he’s doing a bid in the Pen” sense. That’s just stupidity.

I’m thinking more along the lines of “I Wanna Be Down” à la Brandy. You know, the romantic black-and-white movie type of love where they kiss in the rain and do all other sorts of nonsensically loving things that will cause most people to call you “whipped.”

Well, maybe not whipped, per se. I still need to maintain my thug status on these streets.

But anyway.

I recently read a book entitled Mercy by Jodi Picoult in which an extremely devoted husband agreed to the difficult task of killing his wife (upon her request) because of the excruciating pain she faced while losing her particularly aggressive battle with cancer. Although the thought of living without his wife broke his heart into a million pieces, he pushed aside his feelings because he wanted more than anything to make sure that she was always happy.

Now that’s a Ride or Die.

In this book, there was one passage that really struck me. Jaime, the protagonist, said to his cousin:

It’s the 70/30 principle. In any relationship, one person always loves the other person more. It may be a 70/30 split or a 60/40 split, but it is never 50/50. Relationships are never equal.

So of course, being the intellectual negro that I am, I began to contemplate the validity of this claim.

In reality, these words are the basis of all Ride or Die situations. To be a Ride or Die, you must be able to put the needs, wants, and desires of your partner before your own. But there’s no way that would be possible if the love shared between the two parties is in fact equal. Neither person would ever have a love strong enough to go above and beyond the call of duty for the other person.

This led me to my next rumination:

Would you really want to be in a relationship where you know that the person you would kill or be killed for wouldn’t do the same for you?

I wouldn’t.

I’m sure that most people would like to believe that if they are putting in so much focus and energy on their significant other to the point where their own needs become secondary, the object of their affection would do the same, if not more, for them. But if the 70/30 principle does in fact exist, then that is never really the case. And that’s depressing as hell.

So what’s an extraordinary diva like me to do?

Well, although there are many people and theories out there that tell us that love is the ultimate losing game, I like to look at things from a more positive perspective. Because, to be honest, I love love.

But don’t tell anyone I said that.

I believe that love is one of the greatest gifts God gave to mankind. And God loves love too (peep John 3:16). In fact, Jesus was love personified. So if our omnipotent Creator could place so much emphasis on love, there is no person, theory or song that can tell me love just isn’t worth it.

I say all that to say this: surrendering yourself to love’s devices might possibly be the worst thing to ever happen to you, but it will DEFINITELY also be one of the best decisions you’ve ever made.

So, I guess one day, I would actually like to be a Ride or Die. But for now, I’m too busy loving myself to have room in my heart for anyone else.   


  1. can someone love someone more? is love quantifiable?

    1. I think love itself might not be exactly quantifiable, but how one expresses love certainly can be.