My Country, 'Tis Of Thee...

I love my country.

I really do.

The funny thing is, I didn’t always feel this way about Nigeria. When I was younger, I positively dreaded our biennial trips to the Motherland. The oppressive heat, lack of constant electricity, and general non-American-ness of this place irked every fiber of my being. From the minute I stepped off the plane, I would start counting down the days until I could make my joyous return to the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave.

However, as I grew older, I cultivated a deep love for this country as I began to realize that there truly is no other place on Earth quite like Nigeria.

What caused this sudden burst of patriotism that has sprung forth from the depths of my soul, you ask?

Have a seat and I’ll tell you all about it.

So, for those who know me well, or even know me in passing, you have probably surmised that I tend to be slightly egotistical at times. Many of you might have even wondered where or how my love of self originated. Well, if you have ever been to Nigeria, the answer should be pretty obvious.

Nigerians are quite possibly the most narcissistic people in the solar system.

It continues to amaze me how almost everyone here thinks they are somebody important. In a country where, “Do you know who I am?!?” is a valid excuse to break approximately 94.62% of constitutional laws and social courtesies, it’s a wonder that this country hasn’t fallen to total ruin already.

…But to be honest, we have ample reason to be so haughty.

Because, despite what our vast number of haters/enemies of progress/Ghanaians may say about us, we are genuinely better than all other Africans.

Nigerians are by far the most talented Africans. There is not one country on the continent that doesn’t watch Nigerian movies or listen to our music. Not to mention our literary giants like Chinua Achebe and Nobel Prize winner Wole Soyinka have made us a force to be reckoned with in the intellectual world. Although other countries have tried to mimic the success of Nollywood and our music scene (i.e. Ghanaians, the biggest swagger-jackers of the century), their sub-par attempts often pale in comparison. But I don’t fault them for trying; it is only natural to want what we have.

In recent years, Nigeria has also begun to make a large impact on the world’s economy. Since our country alone boasts one-fifth of the total African population, many foreign investors have realized the wealth of opportunity that lies within our shores. And as the 12^th largest oil producer in the world, Nigeria is scheduled to surpass South Africa as the continent’s largest economy by 2018. Once we take over Africa, there will be no limit to what we can achieve.

But the one thing I love the most about Nigerians is that we are also some of the most resilient people alive. According to The Guardian newspaper, Nigeria was found to be the happiest place on Earth in 2011. Even though our government is a joke and the majority of the population lives in poverty, we are continuously optimistic in the face of hardship simply because we know we are a blessed nation. Regardless of the fact that so many look on us with disdain, we will always believe in ourselves and the greatness that lies within us for we are certain that the future of our country is even brighter than we could ever imagine.

So, to all my fellow countrymen, I salute you. Isn’t it great to be on the winning side?

And to everyone else…well, better luck next time!

Get Right or Get Left

I know, it’s been a minute. My bad.

As of today, I have been in Nigeria for a month and six days, and I must say that to my utter surprise, I’m loving every minute of it.

Despite the few difficulties that come with living in a developing country, Nigeria is actually one of the most vibrant and opportunity-rich nations on earth. Never have I met so many successful and driven young people in one place, which has really spurred me to also be proactive about my own future.

In fact, I’m lowkey mad that I didn’t come here sooner.

When I think about all the time and money I wasted in America on getting a so-called education, when I’ve met a bunch of millionaires here who are also in their early twenties with little to no type of degree, I truly pity my life. People are out here making serious dough off things as simple as chocolate fountains and t-shirts! Clearly I got the game ALL the way wrong. 

But not to worry, I’ve got a few ideas brewing in the pipeline that if executed properly, could potentially make me set for life. My goal is to make my first million in the next six months (Naira though, not dollars. But that’s still one million more of ANYTHING than I have right now).

So for the next month or so, I shall be focused on getting my net worth up. My network here in Lagos is way too extraordinary for me to let an opportunity like this pass me by. My inner businesswoman has emerged in full force and is here to stay.  

Therefore, I would like to apologize in advance for how absent I’m about to be on these e-streets. I know y’all are gonna miss me, but greatness is calling my name, and I’ve gotta answer!

To be honest, if all goes well, y’all might not ever see me back in America.

DEUCES J

Arise, O Compatriots! Nigeria's Call Obey!

Greetings from the Motherland!

That’s right, for those who don’t know, I am currently in Nigeria until further notice. I’ll be working in Lagos at a credit rating agency for a while until I start graduate school in the fall.

Initially, I was super excited at the thought of living here for a while since I usually have so much fun when I visit. But, unfortunately for me, the country decided they wanted to go start their own Occupy Nigeria revolution the day after I got here. All stores and businesses are closed, so those who aren’t in the streets protesting (which is about 98% of the population) are pretty much cooped up inside until the strikes are over.

Words can’t describe how annoyed I am.

On one hand, I understand the need for the movement. The government is absolutely corrupt. Nigerian senators are actually the highest paid politicians in the world, and yet no one knows what they're being paid for since nothing in this country functions quite like it should. A change is indeed necessary.

HOWEVER, I would have really appreciated it if they could’ve held off on all this nationwide striking until like next week, or at least until I had a chance to get my Nigerian driver’s license and phone line taken care of. The fact that I can’t BBM anyone right now makes me want to give up on life.

So stay tuned, I’m pretty sure this “revolution” nonsense will give me a plethora of material to write about.

Or maybe not, since I probably won’t be doing anything interesting any time soon.

Whatever.

-______-

Oh, and Happy New Year. 

Extraordinary Musings, Volume I

Salut tout le monde!

First of all, I just wanted to apologize for the somewhat long hiatus I’ve taken from this blog. The past month or so has been pretty eventful for me, with the introduction of new things and people into my life. But to cut the long story short, I’ve basically just been busy doing the utmost and the utleast at the same time.

And yes, I just made up a word. Who gon’ check me boo?

Anyways…

Deuxièmement, I don’t really have an interesting story to tell in this post since my life has been somewhat temporarily paralyzed by boredom (well, that’s a lie, I could never be boring. I just don’t feel like telling y’all anything right now.), so I’ve decided to introduce a new segment here that I like to call Extraordinary Musings. It’s really just a few of my random and potentially profound thoughts that have come to my mind recently. I’ll also sprinkle in a few things that simply grind my gears. Feel free to comment or @ me on Twitter if you want to respond to any of them.

Bon. Allons-y.

***********

Roughly 46% of my thoughts are in French. I occasionally dream in French as well. Sometimes, although it doesn’t happen that often anymore, I think in French, then forget to translate my thought into English when I start talking. But honestly, what really annoys me is when people ask me to translate something I just said in French. Now, let’s think about this rationally for a second. If I know you don’t speak French, yet I say something to you, or maybe in your general area, in French, wouldn’t you think it’s probably because I didn’t want you to understand what I was saying? If I felt like letting you in on the joke, I would’ve said it in English.

And trust me, if I didn’t say it in English, it’s pretty safe to assume that what I said was going to hurt your feelings anyways.

************

I have one particular Facebook friend that irks every fiber of my being. For some reason, her statuses have been popping up on my minifeed more frequently than usual, as if Mark Zuckerberg himself is putting her there just to irritate me everyday. And why, might you ask, does this girl make me so irate? Well, it’s because all of her status updates are about how much her life sucks. But the thing is, everyone’s life sucks. That’s just how it works. Like they say in my homeland, rain doesn’t just fall on one person’s house.

At the end of the day, God never gives us more than we can bear. So just carry your cross and keep it moving, because there are probably several people who would love to be where you are.

************

Regret nothing; because remember, at one point, it was exactly what you wanted. So be the best captain of your ship as possible. Be spontaneous – take impromptu road trips, change your hairstyle, try new foods. Sometimes, throwing caution to the wind is exactly what you may need to take your life to the next level.

But don’t get too crazy. God is watching you.

~

Well that’s about it. I promise to write something more substantial next time I decide to show up around this e-hood. But in the meantime, check out my Hair Diaries feature on ChellyWellzShop. I got a chance to talk about my all-time favorite topic: weaves!

À plus tard, y’all!

Love, Live Life, Proceed, Progess

On November 1, I turned 22 years old.

Celebrating another birthday gave me an opportunity to reflect on my successes, failures, dreams, and realities.

At the risk of sounding redundant, my reflections kept bringing me back to one salient observation: I truly am the definition of greatness.

I’ve been through a lot in my 22 years on this earth. A lot more than many of you will ever realize. In fact, some of my life experiences have been so painful that I will probably never speak of them again. Although much of what I’ve faced would destroy and demoralize a great deal of people, I thank God that they have only transformed me into the extraordinary Extraordinaire you see before you today.

However, despite my utter fabulousness, I must admit that I am still a work in progress.

So in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ve decided to give you a rare glimpse at a few of the less-than-extraordinary things about me.

Ready?

Allons-y tout le monde!

I snore like a lumberjack.

It’s a serious problem.

Oddly enough, I usually don’t snore if I’m sleeping while the sun is up. But as soon as the moon decides to appear, all bets are off! Sometimes my snoring is so loud that it even wakes me up. Fortunately, it’s more of a periodical thing; I typically don’t snore straight through the night, it kind of starts and stops intermittently. But I must say, I honestly feel bad for whomever I end up marrying; he might have to sleep with earplugs.

I laugh when people die.

For some reason, when I hear about someone dying, I immediately either smile or laugh. Needless to say, this little habit of mine has made for some incredibly uncomfortable situations. Don’t get me wrong though; I by no means find joy in the death of others. I think it’s simply because I just don’t do sadness very well. I’ve been such a thug for so long that I don’t know how to appropriately express any other emotion besides anger. To me, anger is really the only useful emotion, and since it's the only one I use on the regular, my brain gets confused when I have to use anything else in my emotional repertoire, hence the whole laughing-when-I-should-be-crying thing.

Awky.

I am unbelievably selfish.

Don’t bother asking me to do anything for you, because nine times out of ten, I won’t do it if there’s nothing in it for me. My selfishness is also the main reason why I generally have no interest in current affairs, social causes, or poverty. If it doesn’t affect my life, don’t expect me to care.

But you can’t really blame me though. I’m an only child. I didn’t grow up having to care about anyone other than myself. I honestly didn’t even know I was selfish until my freshman year of college, when a friend of mine came to my dorm and absently took a handful of cashews from a jar on my desk.

I looked at her like she had just killed my firstborn child.

For the life of me, I just couldn’t understand what in the entirety of God’s perfect universe would make her think it was a good idea to just take something that so obviously belonged to me. I didn’t talk to her for three days afterwards.

* * * * * * * * * * *

Well, there you have it.

I bet you’re all shocked, but I do in fact have a few minor faults.

Although I am working on improving some of these things, I would never want to fully correct them. At the end of the day, all of these flaws, as well as the multitude of others I didn’t discuss, make me who I am.

So as I begin this new year of my life, I am determined to make this the best year yet. I plan to smile bigger, laugh longer, and love harder. Every day brings another chance to become a better me. And I encourage you all to do the same.

I leave you all with this picture I stumbled across on Tumblr. It made my heart smile. 

It's All Greek To Me

A few days ago, I had a conversation with one of my little homies, who is now a freshman in college. As we discussed her experience thus far, I naturally asked her if she was interested in pledging a sorority (*ahem* Delta Sigma Theta! *ahem*), to which she replied:

I could never be in a sorority. Y’all think y’all are better than everyone else just because y’all belong to a glorified gang. I’ll pass.

Her response saddened me to my core.

But what was even more upsetting was that this wasn’t the first time someone has expressed this sentiment to me.

As a former president of an award-winning chapter of (in my opinion) the GREATEST sorority ever established, I know that my actions will always be a reflection of my organization. So if I’m walking around a college campus or city acting like the biggest slutbucket of the century, it’s very possible that many people will think:

Well, since she’s looser than an untied shoelace, I’m sure all those Deltas are Freak-a-leeks too.

When we join any of the Divine 9 organizations, we all pledge to uphold and personify their founding ideals for the rest of our lives. So whether we like it or not, once we put on any piece of para, we’re often viewed as Jessica the Delta or John the Que, rather than Jessica That’s On The Debate Team or John That Reads To The Blind, Deaf and Dumb Dyslexic Midgets Every Tuesday And Thursday.  

Unfortunately, one thing I’ve noticed is that many collegiate Greeks use their org as a platform for popularity. People who were band geeks, chess junkies or just plain annoying get some letters and they think they’re the next Morris Chestnut. All of a sudden, the dude who had absolutely no friends before crossing thinks he has the license to treat GDIs (as we so “fondly” call non-Greeks) any kind of way.

Naturally, people are going to look up to Greeks because it is by nature an exclusive position, but we are not supposed to hold our statuses above the heads of our peers. Because at the end of the day, there will always be plenty of people without letters who are prettier, more popular, and more involved in the community than we are.

Now that most of the Divine 9 organizations are either nearing or have surpassed their centennials, many question if their existence is still relevant in the Black community, and in America at large. I honestly think this question wouldn’t need asking if we actually remembered the oaths we took and applied their words to our daily lives. Being in a sorority or fraternity is not about step shows, stroll practices, and one-upping other orgs. Each of our organizations were founded out of the need for blacks to come together in a constructive manner and to affect positive changes in our communities, while inspiring those behind us to strive for greatness. If we recall these objectives and truly attempt to live up to them, conversations like the one I had last week would cease to exist.

So, to my fellow Greeks, please remember that a linejacket can only cover your body; it won’t do much to mask your ego or piss-poor personality.

In conclusion, I leave you with the wise words of the esteemed philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche - “Deltas are great.”

#kthanksbye